critcapcomm | we dream and dream (of forever) (for airplanewishes) [2/3]

The restaurant looms up over them as they get out of the taxi. The bitter taste in Jongdae's mouth only seems to grow stronger at the touch of Joonmyun's hand on the small of his back.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Joonmyun's voice is quiet and soothing in his ear, but rather than put him at ease, it only makes the twisting in his stomach grow worse.

Jongdae shakes his head, trying to push back his annoyance with Baekhyun from earlier. "Let's just get it over with."

Chanyeol and Soojung are waiting for them in a corner booth, Chanyeol already digging into the complimentary plate of chips and Soojung sipping primly at her mint water.

His best friend's face breaks into a smile when he sees them, getting out of his seat quickly. "Jongdae, Joonmyun!" Chanyeol envelops Joonmyun in a giant hug, paying no mind to his amused spluttering. "Haven't seen you in forever, buddy. Students keeping you busy?"

"Increasingly," Joonmyun chuckles, rubbing at his arms where Chanyeol hugged him. "Jongdae's feeling a little bit under the weather, unfortunately, we probably won't stay too long."

"Oh no," Soojung says, leaning forward in concern. "Are you stressed out?"

Jongdae settles into a chair, shrugging. He can start to feel the beginnings of a migraine press in between his eyes and stubbornly decides to ignores it. "Must be something I ate."

Joonmyun's looking at him with a sickening mixture of worry and confusion, and Jongdae tries not to pay attention to the roiling in his stomach.

"Now that I think about it, haven't seen much of you either, Jongdae," Chanyeol's continuing blithely. "I swear Soojung sees more of you than I do these days."

Soojung smacks his arm fondly as Joonmyun orders coffee for the two of them. "That's because you couldn't care less about the reception decorations. If you were just a bit more interested—"

"How am I supposed to know the difference between azure and cerulean?!" Chanyeol protests, pouting at her, and Joonmyun lets out a laugh.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that those are shades of purple," he says.

"Blue," Jongdae says tiredly, taking a sip of his coffee. His headache worsens, and right now he wishes the lot of them would just shut up about the wedding because for the past eight months the only thing's he heard out of anyone's mouths is Chanyeol and Soojung's wedding and he's sick of it.

Joonmyun chuckles. "Looks like I'd be just as bad," he jokes, and Soojung smiles.

"Do you ever think about these things, Joonmyun-ssi?" she asks him, and Jongdae's back stiffens.

"Me?" Joonmyun asks in a small voice. His hand had stilled from where he'd been resting it on Jongdae's thigh and stroking lightly, and Jongdae pointedly doesn't return the glance he knows Joonmyun is giving him. All at once Jongdae just wants to go home.

"I—no, not really," Joonmyun says, sounding uncertain, and throwing him nervous looks all the while. "I'm happy with our relationship now."

Chanyeol makes a weird noise in the back of his throat. "You know, you're really bad at lying, Joonmyun."

Jongdae looks up sharply as his boyfriend turns a bright red. "N-no, it's fine, really—"

"Don't put on an act, Joonmyun, it's so obvious—" Chanyeol insists dubiously, waving off Soojung's small shocked gasp.

"Chanyeol." Jongdae sets down his glass carefully. The pounding in between his eyes has reach its maximum. "It's none of your business."

Joonmyun chooses that moment to clear his throat. "I think I'll go to the restroom," he says pointedly.

Chanyeol's eyes watch him stand up to excuse himself before he turns to Jongdae instead, brow creasing. "To be honest, Jongdae, I don't really know what you're trying to avoid here."

"I'm not avoiding anything," Jongdae says lightly. "There's nothing to talk about."

Chanyeol sighs loudly, running a hand through his hair. "Are you really playing this game, Jongdae? It's so fucking obvious."

"I don't appreciate you trying to get in between our relationship," Jongdae says hotly. "This doesn't concern you."

"It's not fair what you're doing," Chanyeol says seriously. "It's not wrong if you're not ready, Jongdae, but if you just keep avoiding the topic around him you'll just end up hurting him."

"I do not avoid the topic." Jongdae glares. "You're just—

Chanyeol holds up his hand. "Tell the truth, Jongdae. Have you ever thought about asking Joonmyun to marry you?"

Jongdae swallows furiously, his blood reaching the boiling point. He's spent so long trying to get out of this question and yet here he was with no way out. Chanyeol's eyes remain steady on him as he struggles for an answer.

"I have," he says finally. "But—"

"But what?" Chanyeol meets his gaze. "Don't try to change the topic."

Jongdae glances over to Soojung, who bites her lip and looks down. He sighs heavily. There was no getting around it. "Marriage," Jongdae begins. "… just… isn't for us."

Chanyeol lets out a noise of disbelief and Jongdae grits his teeth, preparing himself for another barrage of harsh words, but they never come. He looks up, and his blood freezes when he sees that neither Chanyeol or Soojung are looking at him, their eyes fixed instead over Jongdae's shoulder.

Jongdae turns around slowly in his seat, and Joonmyun is standing there behind him. His eyes are hard, and all the color is gone from his face. Jongdae feels his stomach plummet as Joonmyun wordlessly squeezes past him into his chair.

"Why don't I just ask Joonmyun myself," comes Chanyeol's strained voice from across the table. "Joonmyun, do you want to marry Jongdae?"

Jongdae determinedly does not look at him, keeping his eyes fixed straight ahead as he waits for Joonmyun to answer.

"I—" Joonmyun sounds slightly shell-shocked and the guilt wraps tight around Jongdae's windpipe and squeezes. "I mean, of course I'd want to, but—"

Jongdae can see Joonmyun glance at him from the corner of his eye.

"But?" Chanyeol prompts.

"Jong—I mean, I'm in no hurry," Joonmyun finishes softly. Jongdae looks at him then, heart thudding furiously; Joonmyun's eyes are shuttered. "I don't really want to talk about it."

"Are you serious?" Chanyeol blinks in disbelief. "But it's not okay, Joonmyun, how can you just take it? Have you never brought it up to him seriously?"

"Chanyeol, shut up," Jongdae snaps. "Don't try to cross interrogate my boyfriend. Our relationship is not your business."

"Jongdae, you're being selfish as hell right now, I'm telling you as your best friend." Jongdae doesn't remember the last time Chanyeol had ever looked this angry, but at this point in time he doesn't really care because his blood is boiling and more than anything he wants to stand up and walk out. "I can't believe you're doing this to Joonmyun when all he's ever done is be good to you."

"Doing what to Joonmyun?" he hisses, slamming both palms down on the table. His glass rattles dangerously close to the edge. "Tell me, what the fuck I am doing to Joonmyun?"

It's then that Joonmyun moves, placing a tentative hand on his arm. "Jongdae, please." His voice reminds him of his mother—inescapably sad, defeated, tired. "Don't fight him—he's just worried about you."

Joonmyun's touch burns through his sleeve and Jongdae shrugs him off. "Joonmyun, this has nothing to do with you."

It leaves his mouth before he can stop it and suddenly the rebuff is there in between him, unable to be taken back. Joonmyun looks like Jongdae had reached out to slap in the face, and he pulls back into his seat, face and eyes shuttered.

Chanyeol lets out a low growl. "Jongdae, stop lying to yourself and act like a man for once in your fucking life."

And that's it for Jongdae, that's it. He stands up abruptly, his chair scooting back and bumping into the table behind them, but Jongdae doesn't even spare them a glance.

"I think I've had enough of this conversation."

Chanyeol is on his feet in a flash, arm shooting out to grab a fistful of Jongdae's shirt. "Sit the fuck down, asshole, I'm not done with you."

"Stop it, both of you." Now Soojung is on her feet too, pulling at Chanyeol's elbow. "You're best friends, quit fighting."

It's a long few seconds that stretches thin and strung out between the four of them—Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Soojung all standing up and Joonmyun in his seat staring resolutely into the grain of the table. A couple of the other patrons of the restaurant are starting to stare, and it's only when a server comes by to meekly ask if everything was alright does Chanyeol let out an angry hiss of air and throws his napkin down.

"Take the week off, Jongdae," Chanyeol bites out, fishing out his wallet with shaking hands and dropping bills onto the table. "I don't want to see you."

He storms out after that without a backwards glance, and Soojung barely has time to bow low to them, the color high on her cheeks, before hurrying out after him. And just like that, it's just Jongdae alone with Joonmyun, the hurt surrouding Joonmyun thick and palpable. Jongdae releases the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and sits down slowly.

They don't say anything, Jongdae idly pushing his salad around with his fork and Joonmyun continuing to stare down at his legs. It's only past the ten minute mark does Joonmyun finally rise, adding his own bills to Chanyeol's on the table, and then walks out without a word.

Jongdae stays in his seat, staring dully at the crisp won notes that Joonmyun had left, and the sandwich that Joonmyun had barely touched. He had crossed an unspoken line just now and it was painfully imminent that Joonmyun had been deeply, irrevocably hurt. Jongdae wrestles with the conversation, replaying it back in his head over and over again until he the only thing looping through his mind is the way Joonmyun had drawn back into himself as if he'd been scalded. Jongdae's veins thrum with burning guilt.

He stands up awkwardly and leaves the restaurant, only faintly surprised when Joonmyun isn't out there waiting for him. He must have taken a cab back to their place without him, and Jongdae follows suit, sliding into the backseat of the next taxi and swallowing over the thick lump in his throat.

Joonmyun is grading papers when Jongdae tentatively pushes the door open, his furious scribbling the only sound echoing in their apartment. Jongdae's breath catches in his chest as he watches him, his head bent low over their kitchen table, brows furrowed and profile in sharp silhouette, and is struck numbly by how much he loves him. Jongdae shuts the door quietly and makes his way over to Joonmyun's side.

"Joonmyun." Jongdae takes a seat at the table next to where he's sitting. Joonmyun doesn't turn to look at him, and his heart clenches painfully. "I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't meant to shut you down like that."

Joonmyun only continues to grade, crossing out several lines on the essay in front of him (too many than he should be, Jongdae thinks, but he doesn't voice it aloud). Exhaling a shaky breath, Jongdae reaches out tentatively to wrap his fingers around his boyfriend's forearm, stroking gently.

"Please say something. I'm so sorry, Joonmyun."

"It's fine," Joonmyun replies in a tight, strained voice. He's still not looking at him. "It's okay."

Jongdae bites his lip, rubbing his thumb along the tiny bones in Joonmyun's wrist. He hates when he gets like this, when Joonmyun builds himself into a box of emotions and shuts it away because he's afraid of being a burden. Jongdae can see him doing it now, and even after dating him for so many years, to this day it still scares him.

"Are you mad at me?" he asks finally, and he's not sure what answer he's looking for. Jongdae's scared he will say yes. Jongdae's scared that he'll say no.

Joonmyun is quiet for a while, making a small comment in the margins of the paper. It's only when Jongdae stops stroking his arm does he finally let out a sigh that sounds too much like he's tired and not enough like he's fine.

"I'll be okay."

It doesn't answer his question. Jongdae slides his palm down Joonmyun's arm to lace their fingers together, bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles.

"I love you," Jongdae tells him, because he doesn't know what else to say, because it's his last line of defense.

Joonmyun finally stops writing, and turns his head to gaze into Jongdae's eyes. He isn't smiling, he doesn't squeeze his hand back.

"I know."

♦

Joonmyun is gone in the morning when Jongdae wakes up, and he rolls over trying to ignore the empty space next to him in bed, the missing piece that's prevalent throughout their entire apartment, the hollow feeling in his chest.

He thinks of Joonmyun the entire time he's out that day, running last minute errands for the bridesmaids, and swallows back the nauseating shame that builds up thick and sticky in his throat.

When he gets back later that night, Joonmyun is already asleep on his side of the bed, curled up into a tiny unassuming ball near the edge. Jongdae has to fight back the urge to wake him as he settles in next to him, not wanting to disrupt his sleep.

♦

The following week, Soojung sends him a text message.

From Soojung:

would you like to come with me to my final gown fitting?

Jongdae blinks at his phone in confusion for a few moments before typing back a response.

To Soojung:

not that i wouldn't want to, but wouldn't you rather have your mom or girlfriends go with you??

His phone dings two seconds later.

From Soojung:

you're my fiancee's best friend. your opinion matters to me :)

Jongdae swallows, Soojung's text burning bright into his eyes. He had not directly contacted or met up with Chanyeol or Soojung since the scene at the restaurant. Thinking about it again makes him sick to his stomach especially when he thinks about Joonmyun shutting down and withdrawing into himself, but he'd known that he'd have to confront the problem eventually. He just hadn't expected the person to be Soojung.

An hour later, Jongdae finds himself waiting outside of the dress shop with his hands tucked into his pockets. Soojung meets him on the street looking breezy and pretty, no sign of last week's fiasco apparent in her face. Jongdae's not sure if he should be grateful to her for that or unsettled.

"Hi," she greets him, beaming. "Thanks for coming."

Jongdae smiles weakly at her. "How can I say no to the bride?"

Smiling, Soojung drags him into the bridal boutique by the crook of his arm. Jongdae stands around awkwardly while she makes small chat with the shop assistants.

"Back again, Soojung! You just can't get enough of me, can you?" The boutique owner is a slim man with dyed light blue hair. "Did you bring me a present? He's cute."

Soojung laughs. "Oppa, this is Jongdae-ssi. He's Chanyeollie's best friend, and he's taken, I'm sorry."

The man makes a disappointed noise in his throat, and Jongdae takes his outstretched hand gingerly.

"Nice to meet you."

"Kim Ryeowook," Ryeowook sniffs sadly. "Don't touch anything unless I say you can. Follow me, Soojung-ah."

They follow Ryeowook into the back of the store where there's a pedestal set up in front of a alcove of mirrors.

"I'll have Jinri bring in the dress for you," Ryeowook says briskly, waving his hand lazily at the chairs conveniently placed. "You can sit here while you wait."

Soojung smiles her thanks as he waltzes off, then sits down, patting the seat next to her.

Feeling inexplicably nervous, Jongdae takes the offered seat. For a good two minutes, they sit in a somewhat comfortable silence.

Finally, Soojung speaks up. "You probably don't want to talk about Chanyeol," she says softly. At the mention of his name, Jongdae stiffens, but Soojung lays a comforting hand on his arm and Jongdae forces himself to relax. "It's okay, I understand. I'm really sorry for last week, he was kind of tactless."

Jongdae's tongue feels thick in his mouth as he nods. "It's okay," he replies, unsure of where this conversation was heading, but doesn't get a chance to ask before a tall girl sweeps in with a plastic-covered gown in her arms.

Soojung squeezes his arm before letting herself be led into the dressing room.

"I haven't known you as long as Chanyeol has, but I don't like to see you two fighting," Soojung's voice rings out from inside the dressing room. Jongdae's fingers clutch at the seat of his chair as he listens, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. "He crossed a lot of lines that he shouldn't have, but you're important to him, Jongdae-ssi. He didn't meant to upset you."

"I know," Jongdae forces out. His voice comes out as a hoarse croak, and he hates how it makes him sound so unsure. "I'm not mad at him."

He listens to Soojung get zipped and laced up into her bodice, the ruffling of skirts and pillowy satin the only other sounds from behind the door.

"Chanyeol just wants you to be able to make the right decision," Soojung continues softly. "If you're not ready, you're not ready. You and Joonmyun-oppa have been together long enough that it shouldn't matter, but you shouldn't be afraid to hide things like this from him."

"I'm not hiding anything," Jongdae protests, but doesn't feel much like fighting, not when so much of his energy was sapped out of him from running errand after errand and trying to tip-toe around his guilty at home. "Joonmyun already knows where I stand with this."

He doesn't get the chance to say much more before the door opens and Soojung is standing there in her bridal gown and shoes, and Jongdae's breath catches.

Soojung smiles shyly, lifting up her skirt and going over to the pedestal to stand on it while Jinri takes last minute measurements with pins stuck in her teeth.

"Wow," Jongdae breathes, almost reverently. Soojung's wedding dress is a simple mermaid-style with a sweetheart neckline in a lovely shade of eggshell-colored satin. It's understated and classic, and she looks absolutely stunning. In all the wedding's he's ever planned, Jongdae had never accompanied the bride to any of the dress visits. Jongdae had made clear a blatant disinterest in his mother's second dress right from the start, and he hadn't been nearly as close enough to his other clients to have been extended an invitation.

Jongdae feels like he's stumbled upon something significant, something immensely private and personal, and he can't help but feel a little humbled by the privilege. It's then that he realizes that he's been missing out on a whole facet of his job for the past three years, the void of that epiphany taking root in his ribcage.

As he continues to look at her, Soojung catches his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. "I believe you when you say that you two have talked about it," she tells him. "But not to the extent that I think is necessary. You hurt him, Jongdae."

Her voice is gentle, but the words cut through to his core anyway. And as the final adjustments were made and all the pins were taken out, Jongdae finds that he has no answer. Soojung lets her arms drop and she turns around to face him, away from the mirror, and makes a sweeping gesture with her hands.

"How do I look, Jongdae?"

Jongdae bites his lip, feeling something clench in his chest as he takes in Soojung in all her effervescent beauty—the satin and the chiffon and the pink high on her cheeks and the glow in her eyes—and says the first thing that comes to his mind.

"You look happy," he tells her plainly, because it's true. Soojung looks blissfully, whole-heartedly happy, like she's ready to commit herself to something more important and essential than Jongdae can ever fathom. It hurts when he tries to think about it, when he tries to imagine that for himself.

Then Soojung smiles at him, a sad, knowing smile, and Jongdae's every fiber burns with guilt.

"You deserve that too," she says. "Don't you think?"

♦

It doesn't get better.

It's been about two weeks since the incident and Jongdae has probably had only two or three proper conversations with Joonmyun, their tones light and casual. Nothing too deep, nothing that will scratch the surface of the wound that Jongdae knows Joonmyun is trying to heal.

He ends up seeing less and less of him as Jongdae gets busier and busier with the wedding fast approaching. It doesn't help that Joonmyun's sleep schedule has him waking up at ungodly hours and already asleep by the time that Jongdae gets home from his day's meeting with stylists, vendors, or caterers. And the times Joonmyun isn't in bed, he's out with Kris and Yixing until two or three in the morning.

The first time Jongdae had noticed, he'd been going over the wedding day itinerary well past midnight when Joonmyun stumbled in, top two buttons unbuttoned and eyes red.

"Joonmyun," Jongdae had started, but Joonmyun had merely shook his head and stalked past him into their bedroom. Jongdae had caught a whiff as he passed by, but he didn't smell any alcohol.

it's nothing like what you think, Kris responds when Jongdae texts him about it. we just grab food and talk. mostly yixing and i just listen, but we're not getting him drunk, if that's what you were asking.

Jongdae bites his lip, staring down at his screen. does he talk about me?

Kris' reply is short and poignant.

what do you think?

He's woken up one night by the sound of soft sobbing coming from their kitchen. Jongdae rolls out of bed, rubbing his eyes, and is stopped in his tracks by the sight of Joonmyun sitting at the table and crying softly into his hands. Jongdae chest tightens up as Joonmyun's quiet tears pierce the air and burrow deep into his heart, and he quietly walks up to him.

Joonmyun doesn't try to draw away or push him off when Jongdae pulls him into his arms. For a while they stay like that, Jongdae holding him and Joonmyun muffling his gasping into his shoulder. The moment feels incredibly fragile—like if Jongdae makes one wrong move all his efforts will come crashing down around him—and so Jongdae clings tight to Joonmyun, lets Joonmyun cling tight to him, because at the moment, that's all he can think of, to let Joonmyun know that he's there for him.

It's the only thing he can do.

♦

Exactly one week before the wedding Jongdae gets a phone call from Chanyeol's sister. Yura had to be one of his favorite people in the world—the two of them had grown extremely close when he and Chanyeol were still in high school, Yura often joining them on the couch to challenge them to endless rounds of video games and staying up late with them to order jjajjangmyun at three in the morning.

Jongdae had spent a lot of his high school years hoping that she and his brother would fall in love because he desperately wanted to be able to call her and Chanyeol legitimate members of his family, but Jongdeok had never been interested.

"She's so boyish," his brother had scoffed once when Jongdae had brought it up. "Maybe if she grew her hair and acted more like a lady, I'd consider."

He never quite forgave Jongdeok for that, and was sincerely happy that Yura never outgrew the personality that he loved her so much for.

Seeing her name pop up on his screen now is a pleasant surprise, and he stops what he's doing to answer.

"Noona," he grins into his phone. "How are you? You're flying in soon, right?"

Yura's career in broadcasting had eventually taken her to Shanghai, where her company was opening a new branch. She'd made the move a little after Jongdae had started university, and since then the only chances he'd gotten to see her were at Chanyeol's family gatherings. She was supposed to arrive in a couple of days, and, despite everything, this was one aspect of the wedding that Jongdae was genuinely excited about. He'd missed her.

"Actually, Jongdae," There's a lot of background noise and Jongdae notices that she sounds a little sheepish. "That's what I'm calling about. Can you do me a giant favor?"

Jongdae balances his cell phone between his ear and his shoulder as he edits the final guest list. "What do you need, noona?"

"Don't tell Chanyeol yet, but I decided to fly in early to surprise him." Ah, Jongdae thinks, that must explain the noise. She's probably at the airport. "Except my friend who was supposed to pick me up had something at the last minute, and so I'm stuck here."

Jongdae checks the clock. He had a meeting with the caterer in about three hours, but he should be back in time. "I can go get you, noona. You'll just have to give me about forty minutes," he laughs. "I'm not exactly dressed to leave the house."

"That's okay," Yura answers, sounding immensely relieved. "I'll wait here for you. Thank you so much, Jongdae, I really appreciate it."

"Anything for my favorite noona," Jongdae tells her cheekily. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

Fifteen minutes later Jongdae finds himself on Line 1 headed towards Incheon Airport. Thankfully, the cars aren't too packed, and he arrives at the airport around the time he said he would, and Jongdae stretches his legs when he disembarks.

Yura is waiting for him at the baggage claim looking very pretty in a long trench coat and short, curled hair. She gives him a giant smile and a wave. "I was hoping that you'd have gotten taller, but I guess not."

Jongdae laughs, taking her carry on bag from her. "I've missed your teasing. How's Shanghai?"

"Terrible," Yura says with feeling. "The rain right now is no joke. I'm really glad to be back here."

Jongdae grins back at her. "Is this it?" he teases, holding up her luggage. "Noona, you could have done this yourself."

Yura smirks and smacks his arm. "I have two more coming, don't worry."

"Two? You're only staying here for the wedding, what do you need two check ins for?"

"Presents," Yura replies, watching the the luggage carousel go around until she points at a large rollaway. "You can't possibly expect me to come back from Shanghai empty-handed."

Jongdae grabs the handle as it passes by and hoists it over and onto the floor. "Guess so. Still, that's a lot of presents."

Yura smiles knowingly. "I have gifts for you and Joonmyun-ssi, too."

At the mention of Joonmyun's name a wave of guilt washes through him, but he tries not to let it show on his face. "Oh, r-really? Noona, you didn't have to."

Yura gives him a look, but doesn't say anything. "Of course I did. You're my favorite of Chanyeollie's friends."

They don't say much after that, Jongdae helping her grab her last bag and then heading back down to the subway. Yura sits next to him primly, fiddling with her phone as the subway car sways gently on the tracks.

"Jongdae," she says after a while.

Jongdae looks up. "Hmm?"

Yura knocks her ankle into his lightly. "Is there anything wrong with you and Joonmyun-ssi?"

"No," Jongdae says way too quickly. "What makes you say that?"

"You made a face when I brought him up," Yura replies softly. "You can tell me, you know, if something happened."

Jongdae pauses for a second, Yura's expectant eyes on him, and then sighs before telling her all about what had happened on the restaurant.

"I don't really know how to fix it," he says. "It's not that I don't love Joonmyun, but it's just—"

"You're not ready," Yura finishes for him quietly. "You don't want to put that kind of strain on your relationship."

Jongdae nods. "I just wish that he'd get the idea that I don't love him enough to marry him out of his head. It's not about that at all."

Yura doesn't respond for a while, instead opting to be interested in the mother and child sitting across the aisle from them. She makes faces at the little girl, laughing when the girl babbles something incoherent into her mother's legs.

Something tugs at Jongdae's lips and he finds himself smiling before he can stop it, and then Yura's hand comes to rest on his knee.

"I know you didn't hurt Joonmyun-ssi on purpose," she says gently. "But you have to think about what it might look like to him, Jongdae. You've been together for all these years, so you need to understand that Joonmyun will probably read way more into it than he'll be able to help."

Jongdae exhales heavily through nose, and lets Yura hold his hand. "I know."

Yura squeezes, and she offers him a smile. "I've only met Joonmyun-ssi a few times, but from what Chanyeol and you tell me and from what I've seen, it's very clear to me that he loves you very much. You can't ever forget that. He doesn't want to marry you because he wants to force you into something. He wants to because he loves you."

The little girl had climbed into her mother's lap and she was gazing at him with big, round eyes, eyes that were alarmingly stoic and mature-looking for her age. Confusion rises in his throat like bile, and he swallows.

"I don't know what to do."

"I'm not tell you to do anything, Jongdae," Yura tells him simply. "You'll know if you need to do anything when the time comes. Joonmyun-ssi will do anything to keep you, even if it means denying himself the thing he wants most. It's up to you if you want to keep denying him that."

The television screens in the walls of the subway car flash a blinking map—the next stop was Yura's.

Jongdae helps her with her luggage up onto the sidewalk before they reach Chanyeol's building. It's in the elevator does Yura wrap her fingers around his elbow and stroke soothingly. "I know it's hard," she says. "But I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're a smart boy, Jongdae."

Jongdae lets out a shaky, nervous laugh. "I'm going to miss you after the wedding."

Yura smiles, tugging at his arm until he falls into her embrace. "I'm always a Skype call away."

"Thank you, noona," Jongdae says fiercely into her hair, hugging her tight. Their floor dings, and he grabs her suitcases again.

When Chanyeol opens the door, blinking and squinting in the hallway light like he just woke up, it takes a few seconds to process what he's seeing before a giant grin spreads across his face.

"Noona!!" he half-shouts, throwing his arms around her. "You're—why didn't you tell me you were coming early?"

Yura smirks, pinching his side. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

Chanyeol shies away from her fingers. "How did you even—oh." His eyes finally land on Jongdae, who had stepped to the side. "Oh."

It's a tense few moments that they hold each other's gazes, before Chanyeol breaks the silence.

"Did you pick her up from the airport?" His tone is demanding, but not accusatory.

Jongdae swallows and squares his shoulders. "I did. It was a favor."

Chanyeol spends another few seconds scanning his face before finally stepping forward to clap a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for before, Jongdae," he says heavily, and offers him a small grateful smile. "Things got out of hand."

Relief floods Jongdae's body as he grasps Chanyeol's hand on his shoulder and grins back. "I'm sorry too. I know you were just trying to help out."

Yura clears her throat delicately. "I'll just escort myself in, don't mind me." She winks at Jongdae before ducking inside, wheeling her carry-on behind her.

Chanyeol scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "Soojung's been going crazy without you, Jongdae. I'm really sorry for what I said, but we really need you again."

Jongdae drags his foot back and forth against the tile. "I had a feeling she would be, but I've taken care of most of it already. I just need you two to give the final approval."

Chanyeol barks out a short, relieved laugh. "Jesus christ, Jongdae," he says weakly, running his hands through his hair. "You're really, really something else. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I'm really grateful for everything you've done for us. You've really made Soojung happy, this wedding is her dream come true, you know."

Jongdae smiles, a happy and pleased glow filling his ribcage. "You're my best friend, Chanyeol. Of course I'm going to put all my effort."

Chanyeol reaches out again to squeeze his arm. "Joonmyun is lucky to have you. I won't try to get in between you guys anymore, but I just wanted to let you know that he really is lucky. You're a good man."

Chanyeol's words hit home for him, and Jongdae bites at his lip as he thinks about the circles under Joonmyun's eyes and the way he looks so irrevocably tired these days. "I'm lucky to have him," Jongdae admits. "If not luckier."

Chanyeol nods understandingly, and the hand on his arm his gone. "Do you wanna come in for a drink or something? Yura-noona is going to talk my ears off otherwise."

Jongdae shakes his head. "I have to meet with the caterer in an hour. Next time."

"Alright," Chanyeol grins at him. "Tell Joonmyun I said hi. I'll be seeing you both on Thursday night, right?"

Jongdae faintly remembers Chanyeol telling him three months ago to keep the Thursday before the wedding open for a night out in Gangnam with the guys. Not quite a bachelor's party, but close enough.

"Yeah," Jongdae says, wonder how on earth he was going to get Joonmyun to come out to Gangnam when in the past two weeks they've barely exchanged more than small talk. "Yeah, we'll be there."

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