For: lola_tenshi
From: rayofshinee

Title: (beauty is) the power to fix a broken heart
Rating: G
Length: 2416 words
Summary: When Joonmyun is assigned a roommate in his senior year, he’s not prepared for Kim Jongdae entering his life.

Notes: Thank you E because you are a gift that keeps on giving. (No, really, ily <3) And to my recipient, I hope you enjoy this!

Joonmyun doesn’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, he was looking forward to being a senior with his own room - as the class president, he was able to avoid being put into a room with someone he didn’t know. On the other, it was a privilege to be able to room alone, one he was only awarded because the senior student body was small enough that some of them didn’t have roommates. It was his duty to take care of new students, so it only made sense that they would put the transfer in his room. He shrugs and plucks the notice off of his door, muttering to himself, “Since when did we accept senior transfers anyway?” as he takes the doorknob and turns, entering the room after a long day out. Joonmyun slips out of his shoes when he steps through the door, nudging them to the wall. He lets his bag slip off his shoulder and drops it next to his desk, pulling out his phone and setting it down on his bed. The hall is relatively quiet, as far as Sunday evenings go, and Joonmyun takes the opportunity to pull out his book and catch up on his assigned reading. All of his homework is done and put away, ready for the next day, so he often enjoys his Sundays in leisure, unlike some of his other friends who like to procrastinate and finish everything Sunday nights. Friends like Baekhyun - who, coincidentally, barges into his room without knocking just as the thought passes through his mind. "You're lucky," is what he announces his presence with. Mildly amused (like he always is at Baekhyun's antics), Joonmyun sets aside his book and turns his attention to Baekhyun. "Lucky in what?" "Your roommate. Have you met him? He's awesome. Chanyeol and I were hanging out with him earlier. Where is he now, by the way? Have you met him yet?" "You just asked that, but no, I haven't met him yet. Kim Jongdae, right? He's nice?" By now, Baekhyun has made himself comfortable on Joonmyun's desk chair, fiddling around with the supplies on his desk. "Yeah, Jongdae's pretty awesome. He left to go eat dinner, I'm surprised you haven't met him yet." "Is that all you came to tell me?" Joonmyun raises an eyebrow, considering kicking Baekhyun out so he can spend the rest of his night in peace. "Well actually..." When Baekhyun trails off with a sheepish smile, Joonmyun sighs and pushes himself up, ready to listen to whatever it is Baekhyun has to talk to him about this time. . When Baekhyun leaves, it's almost midnight, and that's when, finally, someone Joonmyun has never seen before comes striding into the room. The stop what they're doing to stare at each other - Jongdae midstep and Joonmyun midpage. "You must be Jongdae," Joonmyun greets him, showing off his best friendly smile. "I'm Kim Joonmyun." Jongdae nods. "Kim Jongdae. I just transferred here today." "Welcome. I hear you've met Baekhyun already. Please forgive him, he can be a bit too excited sometimes." Joonmyun has to fight an eye roll. Too excited isn't the best way to describe it. More like too excited and forgets completely that other people exist and are around him and sometimes that they have feelings too. But Jongdae only laughs (he has a nice laugh, Joonmyun notices, and his lips have a charming curve to them - wait, what?) and replies, "I'm kind of used to people like that, and Baekhyun was fine. He didn't do anything, if you were worried." "Did he tell you any stories?" While he talks, Joonmyun motions awkwardly to Jongdae's side of the room, insinuating that he could come in and set his stuff down. Jongdae complies without hesitating. "Only one, and it wasn't about you, don't worry. He did say that you would be a good roommate, though. Didn't say anything else. I thought maybe you two aren't close." "Oh, no, nothing like that. He just knows that he owes me too much to go off badmouthing me to strangers." With a small laugh, Joonmyun sighs. "It's all lies, anyways." "All of them?" "Well, maybe stretched truths," Joonmyun admits. It gets another laugh from Jongdae, and he's satisfied enough to turn back to his book as Jongdae sets about unpacking. The rest of the evening is quiet, their only conversations about where Jongdae should put his stuff and questions about what it's like and if there's anything he should know. It's already late, and there aren't any hard feelings over their limited interaction with sleep being the first thing on their minds. . There's nothing that woke Joonmyun up, as far as he can tell, until he stills and listens to the silence. Jongdae isn't in his bed, or he isn't breathing. Frowning, Joonmyun lifts up his blankets and slides out from underneath, standing up. He stumbles across the short distance from his bed to the wall and runs his hand on the wall in search for the light switch. Once he finds it, he shuts his eyes in anticipation for the brightness - blinking them open to find two empty beds. Sighing, he rubs the sleepiness out of his eyes and crosses to his closet. Half asleep - it's four in the fucking morning, Jongdae - Joonmyun slips into a shirt and pulls out two jackets. He puts one on and hangs the other on his arm. The last thing he grabs before leaving his room is his cell phone, and then he's walking on autopilot to the exit. Two texts and a call to Jongdae go unanswered. The chill has forced Joonmyun awake, stinging his skin, and he starts worrying. Their school's campus is considerably large, but Joonmyun goes to where he thinks Jongdae could be first, and it's not long before he spots a figure sitting high up on the bleachers overlooking the football field. He's only a dark line against a shade lighter night, but Joonmyun knows that it's Jongdae. He doesn't call out for the other, but the noise the bleachers make as he steps on them is enough to announce his presence. Joonmyun simply takes a seat after draping his extra jacket around Jongdae's bare shoulders. Jongdae tugs at the corners of the jacket, and doesn't say a word. Together, they look up at the sky. There are many stars visible from their school, and Joonmyun gazes at them in wonder. He's never really stargazed before, and it's nice being out in the peaceful, quiet darkness. When Joonmyun loses track of the time - his phone's brightness would just create an unwanted interruption of nature's beauty - Jongdae speaks. "Thank you for the jacket." "Don't mention it. I'm not letting you keep it." Joonmyun's laugh is kind, light, and Jongdae's mirrors it; he takes no offence. "My parents are divorcing," Jongdae says. He keeps his eyes on the stars, and Joonmyun knows the feeling - it's of wishing to be anywhere but here, to have something good happen for once. Shoot for the stars, people say, but really they should say make a goal and achieve it because stars are balls of flaming gas that existed thousands of years ago only to twinkle down at our meager existence on Earth. "They sent me here to get me out of the way." "I'm sorry to hear that." Joonmyun's own parents have always been loving, both to him and to each other. He can't imagine what Jongdae must be going through, but the thought of his family breaking up makes him want to join Jongdae in his star gazing. "Don't be. I'm used to people leaving." They are quiet again, until Jongdae continues, "Did I wake you up?" His voice is almost expectant, challenging, but Joonmyun shakes his head. "I woke up by myself." It's not entirely a lie. Joonmyun doesn't know why he woke up, only that it was two hours before he usually did. The sky is starting to lighten on the horizon. Joonmyun isn't sure if it's a coincidence or not that it's in the direction that they're facing or if Jongdae had known and picked these bleachers on purpose. Whatever the reason, Joonmyun is pleased. "Do you often come out to watch the sun rise?" Joonmyun asks. "When I can't sleep, I do." Jongdae can be seen better with the slow emergence of the morning sun. Joonmyun appreciates the soft glow it gives him, the way the can see each other but at the same time, not really, "It's beautiful," is all Joonmyun can comment. He doesn't know if he's talking about Jongdae or the sunrise. (Both, both is good.) "Depends on how you define 'beauty'." There's no snark in Jongdae's voice, just longing and wonder. "Someone once said that beauty is the power to break your heart." Joonmyun turns to look at the sunrise - the rivulets of light illuminating the clouds, turning them golden, with their backs in the shadows. The sun runs red, the clouds: pink. His heart doesn't seem to be broken. "Do you not agree?" "No," Jongdae says, sparing him a glance. "I think beauty is the power to fix a broken heart, to make you feel like you're going to be okay, even just for a moment." A fleeting moment, and the vulnerability is gone from Jongdae's face, replaced with the same bored, taunting expression Joonmyun didn't realize he had been used to since meeting him for the first time last week. . When Jongdae joins their friend group, Joonmyun doesn't think too much of it. It's more natural than anything else, and not only because he and Joonmyun are roommates. Jongdae gets along with everybody. But Joonmyun hasn't forgotten their morning together on the bleachers, watching the sun rise. He tries to find that side of Jongdae in the one that smiles and laughs with Baekhyun and Chanyeol, that teases Kyungsoo and hangs out with their juniors in school, but other than short glimpses of a shadow of the person on the bleachers, this Jongdae is different. Not in the way he laughs, or even completely in the way he acts, he's just different. It's frustrating; sometimes Joonmyun wants to take Jongdae by the shoulders and shake him until answers come out, but he isn't really that violent and he knows not to pressure Jongdae into letting go of secrets he keeps for a reason. But now when Joonmyun wakes up at odd hours of the morning, he knows that Jongdae is not in bed, just like he knows where to find him. Not that he always goes after his roommate - he's still respectful of his privacy and the need to spend some time alone - but sometimes he worries; it's when he knows that Jongdae has spoken with his parents that day, or when he catches glimpses of tiredness in his eyes when they're talking with their friends, and he goes after Jongdae. They don't talk most of the time, as they sit and watch the sunrise, and they don't mention it later. It's a mutual agreement made in silence, a little ritual between them that becomes sacred to their friendship. . It's not a noticeable change, on Joonmyun's part. He thinks about it a lot, about when it could have started. After a few weeks of denying it, he finally gives in to the temptation of considering it. I like Kim Jongdae. Admittedly, it's not bad. It's kind of odd for Joonmyun to think; he's really never had a crush crush on anybody before, but Jongdae has always been different. They laugh together during the day and talk about life and death and why at night, and it's a relationship that Joomyun has never had with anyone before. Jongdae isn't a bad person to crush on, either. Unbelievably kind and caring, someone Joonmyun can laugh at and with but also have serious conversations with, and he's never known how much he had craved that kind of a relationship until meeting Jongdae. He doesn't quite mind that Jongdae hides parts of himself anymore, not as much as he wishes that Jongdae would trust him, at least. (But Jongdae doesn't need Joonmyun's feelings burdening him when they're only going to be together for the rest of the year.) . "You're beautiful, Joonmyun." Jongdae's breath ghosts against Joonmyun's ear, sending shivers down the latter's spine. His eyelids are drooping when he moves back just the slightest, hovering above Joonmyun's face. Joonmyun is ultra aware of every spot where they make contact, of the hard door against his back and Jongdae's hand planted on the wall next to his head, keeping him there. Their bodies are close together, and their body heat mingles together. Jongdae's eyes are searching, roaming across Joonmyun's face, staring into his soul through his eyes. "Can I kiss you?" A nod, and their lips meet in a slow spread of warmth and elation. . It's one night, near the end of the school year, when Joonmyun and Jongdae have been together for nearly six months, when the rest of their friend groups finally finds out. "Only because you let it slip," Joonmyun chides Jongdae playfully when they're looking up at the moon later. "But do you mind? It might get back to your parents this way." "I don't care," Jongdae replies, putting an arm around Joonmyun's waist to draw him closer so they can share their body heat. "They don't care about me that much." Joonmyun hasn't forgotten their first night together under the stars. The longing in Jongdae's voice when he said, "I'm used to people leaving." "I won't leave you," he promises now. They both know it's not true. They both know that there's not much hope of going to the same university, and since when have long distance relationships been known for working out? "You're beautiful," is what Jongdae replies with. Not an uncommon phrase to hear from him, but now Joonmyun remembers something else. I think beauty is the power to fix a broken heart, to make you feel like you're going to be okay, even just for a moment. Just a moment, because beauty fades, you get used to it, it ceases to have the same effect as it used to. Just like love. Joonmyun and Jongdae's love lasted for only a moment, but he can't help but hope for Jongdae to be okay for more than that. A senior in America is in their last year of high school. They’re typically 17/18/19 y/o and are going to college the next year. A lot of schools don’t accept seniors because it’s a lot of trouble for one year, and senior year is when students apply to colleges, thus “Since when did we accept senior transfers anyway?”.