It isn't as difficult as he would have thought; all Jongdae had to do was mention that Chanyeol had invited him out with the rest of the groomsmen, and Joonmyun had looked up with a curiously blank expression on his face.

"What time?" he'd asked, and that was that.

They start at club Answer, where Chanyeol's friend worked as a DJ and had gotten them free table service in the upstairs VIP lounge. Chanyeol is already tipsy by the time they get there, cheeks flushed and eyes bright and glossy.

"First round is on me," he announces, the edges of his words slurring together. "Order whatever you like, gentlemen."

"Cheers," Baekhyun grins, flagging down a pretty server. "Don't mind if I do."

Jongdae shakes his head at him before turning to his boyfriend. "What do you want?" he asks, trying to keep his tone casual.

Joonmyun shrugs. He looked nice—graphic tee, blazer, and dark jeans—and had Jongdae not been so hesitant about bringing him out that night, he would have been all over him already. "Whatever you want."

Jongdae bites his lip, feeling all of a sudden like he was being tested. It was the way Joonmyun had said it, almost like a challenge, but then Baekhyun's nagging at him to order and Jongdae pushes it out of his head.

"Two whiskey sours," he tells the girl, who gives him a glossy-lipped smile before flouncing off.

"So, Jongdae-hyung." Sehun sidles up to him from out of nowhere and slides in next to him. "What are you planning tonight?"

"Planning?" Jongdae feels Joonmyun leave his side and glances over anxiously, watching him walk up to Kris. He can see Joonmyun say something quietly, and then Kris putting a hand on his shoulder. Jongdae's stomach lurches.

"Yeah," Jongin pipes in, settling in Joonmyun's vacant seat. "Like, how are you going to get Chanyeol-hyung fucked up tonight? You know you totally could, you're his best man."

"I don't have anything planned," Jongdae tells them distractedly, his eyes never leaving Joonmyun. He watches the server bring him his drink before making a beeline for Jongdae.

"That's no fun," Sehun drawls. "We could help you if you want."

Jongdae accepts the glass from the girl with a small smile before snapping back to the other table. Kris was talking to Joonmyun with a serious, almost urgent expression on his face, and Jongdae's heart speeds up nervously. "That's okay," he says, checking out the conversation entirely. "I—I'll be back."

Kris watches over Joonmyun's shoulder as Jongdae makes his towards them, and he swallows. He can't quite decipher the look in the taller man's eyes, but Jongdae was certain that Kris knew, and somehow it makes him feel even smaller than he usually feels as he finds Joonmyun's side.

"Hey," he says quietly, reaching down to link their fingers. Joonmyun lets him, which is a good sign. Jongdae lets out a small breath.

"I'm going to check on Chanyeol," Kris says, but not before giving Jongdae a long, hard stare. "Excuse me."

Jongdae's left with Joonmyun's hand clasped loosely in his. The fear is there again, quickly bubbling over and mixing with his anxiety, but Jongdae doesn't want to make a scene again, not after last time.

"You okay?"

Joonmyun's gaze flicks over to him, and he makes a small, half-hearted shrug. "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Jongdae swallows, tongue feeling thick in his mouth. He takes a long sip of his drink, shuddering as the alcohol burns his throat. He nods over at Joonmyun's glass, which was empty. Joonmyun must have killed it right away; Jongdae hadn't even seen him drink it. "Do you want another?"

Joonmyun shakes his head, not looking at him. Jongdae follows his line of sight, letting his gaze fall on Chanyeol and Baekhyun making a ruckus over by the bar. "That's okay. I'm good for now."

"JONGDAE!"

Jongdae jumps in his seat, wincing, and watches Chanyeol stagger over to them with a fifth of vodka clutched in his fist. Jongdae turns to Joonmyun and sees a flicker of amusement in his eyes. It's enough to lighten the load on his chest, even if just by a little.

"Jongdae, buddy, my best man," Chanyeol slurs when he reaches them. "I need you to do me a very important favor."

"What's that, Chanyeol?" Jongdae asks, biting back a grin. He feels Joonmyun squeeze his palm slightly, and his heart skips a beat as he squeezes back.

Chanyeol brandishes the bottle at him. "Ten seconds."

Jongdae chokes. "No fucking way."

"Come on, Jongdae," Chanyeol whines, and fuck, he's doing the pouting thing that makes him look like a giant toddler. "I'm counting on youuuu, man! Baekhyun's going to make me do it if you don't!"

"Drink up, asshole!" Baekhyun cackles, and Jongdae exhales through his mouth, reluctantly taking the bottle. He hasn't done this kind of hardcore drinking since college, and his stomach churns unpleasantly.

The vodka goes down smooth, but he still makes a face as Chanyeol and Baekhyun count the seconds while he swings. He makes it to five seconds when all of a sudden someone's tugging it away from his mouth, and Jongdae splutters, some of the alcohol dripping down his chin. He turns to see Joonmyun drinking the last of his seconds for him, lips pursed at the rim and pale throat working.

"Yeah, Joonmyun-hyung!" Baekhyun hollers, thumping him enthusiastically on the back. "What a cool guy, teach me your ways."

Joonmyun wipes his mouth, face impassive as he hands the bottle back.

"You didn't have to do that," Jongdae tells him in awe, handing him a napkin.

Joonmyun shrugs. "It was for Chanyeol."

Chanyeol makes a strangled half-laugh, half-sobbing noise before capturing Joonmyun in a drunken headlock. "Joonmyunnie-hyung, you're my favorite of my friend's boyfriends," he wails. "I'm so fucking glad Jongdae's dating you, have I ever told you that?"

Jongdae lets out a nervous laugh, pushing him off Joonmyun. "I'd like to keep dating him, so please don't strangle him."

"Alright, break it up." The voice comes from within the crowd, and they all turn to see Byunghun pushing himself through the bodies to shake his phone in their faces. "It's eleven thirty, we're moving."

"Already?" Sehun complains from the couch. "But we've only been here for like an hour."

Byunghun smirks, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "Jihoon's DJ set was over at eleven, so we don't get these tables anymore. We're going to Octagon."

"Octagon!" Chanyeol yells happily, flinging an arm over Baekhyun's shoulders. "I love Octagon!"

Jongdae smiles, shaking his head at his best friend, before turning back to Joonmyun. "You okay?" he asks, reaching over to rub at his neck.

Joonmyun gives him a half-smile, and that in itself is enough to send a small ripple of relief through his body. "Don't worry, I'm fine." Joonmyun nods at Baekhyun struggling to drag Chanyeol's flailing limbs down the stairs and stands up. "Shall we?" he asks, holding out a hand.

Jongdae takes it, hoisting himself to his feet, and feels himself sway. The handle pull had gone straight to his head. "Yeah, let's go."

♦

Octagon is significantly larger than Answer, and about twice as packed. Chanyeol lets out a loud whoop before clumsily staggering out onto the dance floor, with Baekhyun, Sehun, Jongin, Byunghun, and Jihoon following after him into the crowd.

Jongdae and Joonmyun linger by the bar with Kris, who seemed content with sipping water and watching the chaos from the sidelines.

Jongdae juts his chin out at the madness. "Do you wanna dance?" he asks Joonmyun.

Joonmyun shakes his head. "Not at the moment."

Thankfully, Jongdae isn't too surprised. "That's okay," he says gently, sliding his palm down to lace their fingers again. "We can just stay here."

Joonmyun's hand is warm and dry in his, and every now and then Jongdae looks over to scan his face. He still has a distant, far-off look in his eyes, but somehow it doesn't matter because Joonmyun is out with him and he's holding his hand for the first time in weeks and the alcohol is suffusing a warm, pleasant buzz throughout his entire body. Jongdae hums, leaning in to rest his head on Joonmyun's shoulder. The buzzing under his skin only seems to amplify when Joonmyun's arm comes around to wrap around his waist.

They stay there like that for a good while, and Jongdae almost forgets that Kris is standing next to him, only reminded when Kris lets out a low cough into his shirt sleeve.

"Tired already?" Chanyeol's back with Byunghun and Jihoon in tow, and if he didn't already look a mess before, he certainly does now. Jongdae's lips quirk in a smile, and he makes a mental note to tell Soojung later for kicks. "Looks like we need another round!!"

It's hard to say no to him when Chanyeol's practically forcing the glasses into their hands, and so Jongdae finds himself tossing back a shot of tequila before he can decide against it.

Kris sets his glass down next to his on the bar counter. "In North America, they use lime instead of lemon to chase tequila," he says absently, almost to no one.

Jongdae makes a face, wrapping himself around Joonmyun's arm. "Gross," he comments, sighing happily as Joonmyun drops his hand to Jongdae's and tugs him closer.

Kris gives him a look. "You wouldn't know unless you've tried it," he says darkly.

Jongdae is about to retort with a snappy comment when there's a loud cheer from the dance floor, and Jihoon raises an eyebrow.

"What was that?" he asks, but Chanyeol is already craning his neck to see above the crowd.

"Fuck, I think it's Jongin—he's doing a dance off with some guy—"

"Isn't that Lee Taemin?" Byunghun says incredulously, standing on his tip toes. "He used to be in our econ class, remember?"

Kris snorts and turns back to the bar, but Chanyeol, Jihoon, and Byunghun have all left already, whooping and hollering as they push their way through to where the club-goers have gathered in a circle.

Jongdae rests his chin on Joonmyun's shoulder, blowing his bangs out of his face. "Do you wanna go see?"

Joonmyun gives him a loose, easy smile that sets every one of his nerves on fire, and somehow Jongdae manages to dismiss the way it doesn't reach his eyes. "Sure."

And so they follow the others through the crowd, and Jongdae's acutely aware of Joonmyun behind him, his hand pressing low on the small of his back, until they reach the ring.

Jongin was in the middle of some complicated-looking locking sequence, and—judging by the cheers—people were liking it. He had shed his jacket, which Sehun was holding, pumping his fist and shouting like the rest of them.

Joonmyun presses up behind him, sliding his arms around his waist, and Jongdae leans back giddily, cupping his hands to his mouth and letting out a whoop. "Go Jongin!!!" he manages to get out before the world tilts dizzyingly. Fuck, he was drunk.

"Can we go sit down?" he tries yelling over the crowd, turning his head back towards his boyfriend. Joonmyun merely responds by dropping a kiss into his shoulder and tugging at his arm.

Once they've made it out of the crowd, Jongdae drops into a seat with a breathless laugh. "God, I'm drunk," he says. "I'm so drunk."

Joonmyun stands behind his chair and starts to rub at his shoulders. Jongdae lets out a little moan as he leans back into it, the music making his head pound. "Do you want some water?"

Jongdae nods mutely, and then Joonmyun's hands disappear for a second while he goes to the bar. Jongdae pulls out his phone to check the time. Almost one in the morning, he thinks dazedly as his vision swims.

"Here." Joonmyun is at his side again, pressing a water bottle into his hands. Jongdae drinks it gratefully before offering it back. When Joonmyun shakes his head, Jongdae settles instead for wrapping around his arm again, making a pleased little sound when Joonmyun's hand slides down to his thigh, turning to press his lips to the top of his head.

It's so very strange, Jongdae thinks, to be like this with Joonmyun, as if nothing had happened between them, as if it were five years ago and they were still back in college and getting shit-faced with their close friends. Joonmyun's hand on his thigh, Joonmyun's mouth at the crown of his head—it felt too good to be true.

"Has anyone seen Baekhyun-hyung?" A voice startles him of his drunken daze, and he blinks up at Sehun staring down at them expectantly.

It's Joonmyun who shakes his head, his fingers kneading slowly into Jongdae's thigh and sending little trills up and down his spine. "Haven't seen him since we got here."

"Probably has his head in the toilet," Jongdae mumbles into Joonmyun's shoulder, snuggling closer. "Or hooking up with somebody."

It doesn't escape Sehun's notice at all. "I'll just leave you two be," he says, smirking. "Don't get too frisky now, hyungs, Club Ellui is the next stop." He snickers before sweeping away into the crowd again.

Heat colors Jongdae's cheeks, but it doesn't stop him from tightening his grip around Joonmyun's arms anyway, eyes fluttering closed.

"Two bourbons," he hears Joonmyun order, and lets himself drift off until Joonmyun is nudging him awake.

"What's this for?" Jongdae asks, taking a small sip. He smiles. It's good.

"It's for you," Joonmyun tells him simply. It's then that it occurs to Jongdae that Joonmyun might be just as drunk as he is—his words slur together slightly, and his cheeks are tinged a dewy pink. "Since you're almost done with the wedding. I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you."

A happy flush finds its way into Jongdae's face, and he clinks glasses with Joonmyun shyly. "Thank you," he says before downing it in one long sip, humming when it goes down his throat, warm and spicy. "I can't wait for this shit to be over," he sighs, pressing his cheek against Joonmyun's sleeve. "I'm not going to even think about weddings for a good six months after this."

Joonmyun stiffens beneath his touch, and Jongdae curses himself mentally.

"Sorry," he says quickly, lifting his head to try to meet Joonmyun's eyes, who's turned away. The night had been going so well—he thinks desperately. He just had to fuck it up, didn't he? "Joonmyun—"

The panic starts to creep back into his bones as Joonmyun's hand finds his thigh again, digging in with his fingers. "It's okay," he's saying, and his words really are slurring now, and—maybe it was a figment of Jongdae's imagination—he sounds slightly breathless. "Don't worry about it."

Jongdae frowns. "Joonmyun," he tries again, and reaches up to turn his face back towards him.

For a long, tense moment, Joonmyun locks eyes with him, his mouth slightly open and cheeks colored, a stubborn neutrality in his eyes, the hurt he was trying to cover, and Jongdae's heart breaks a little as he holds his gaze for a few more seconds.

He opens his mouth. "Joonmyun—"

But whatever Jongdae was going to say, he never gets a chance to get out before Joonmyun's hand cups the side of his face and presses their mouths together.

And just like that, all his remarks are forgotten—his anxiety and the stress and the guilt—because Joonmyun is kissing him, and Jongdae had forgotten just how much he missed his touch, his kisses, the feeling of his lips against his. He'd missed it so fucking much that the sheer force of his want washes over him in a sickening wave, and then Jongdae's mind officially shuts off.

Somehow he finds himself in his lap, Joonmyun steadying him with hands around his waist and licking hungrily into his mouth. Jongdae can't remember the last time they've been like this—rushed and sweaty and frantic—and tilts his head to let Joonmyun bite at his neck. His hand flutters down to his crotch, heartbeat quickening at the feeling of Joonmyun hard in his pants, and then he's climbing off of him, tugging Joonmyun to his feet, their mouths mashing together once more as Jongdae walks them backwards through the crowd.

Someone that sounds suspiciously like Jongin makes a catcall on their left, but Jongdae ignores them. It's only right before they reach the club exit does Jongdae catch sight of Kris near the men's bathroom. They lock eyes for a moment until understanding registers in Kris' eyes and he nods curtly, and then Jongdae turns himself forward, grabbing Joonmyun's hand to pull him out into the night air.

Jongdae doesn't remember hailing a taxi or pulling him into the elevator of their building, but before he knows it Joonmyun's got pressed against their door, his hands fumbling for the keys as Jongdae grinds their hips together with a low groan.

They stumble into the darkness of their apartment with Joonmyun's mouth latched to his throat and Jongdae's fingers scrabbling at his jeans, making quick work of his belt and zipper. In the thick, heavy air the only things audible are the drag of their feet along the floor as they make for the bedroom and the heavy sound of their breathing.

As Jongdae gets Joonmyun onto his back, splayed out and breathless and flushed beneath him, there's a a small voice in the back of his hazy mind telling him that perhaps he should say something, anything, to break the silence. But Joonmyun's hand is slipping past his waistband to palm his erection and all thoughts of what he should and shouldn't do fly out of his mind.

It's like this that they fuck, with Jongdae hitched on top of Joonmyun's waist, his hand braced against the headboard and rolling his hips down onto Joonmyun's cock, and it's nothing beautiful. It's messy, it's graceless, it's desperate—clumsily lipping at each other and panting into each other's mouths—as Joonmyun cants up without rhythm or finesse. Jongdae remembers each thrust ripping cries from his throat, remembers the way Joonmyun's hands gripped his waist as if he had something to prove.

It's like this that he blinks through the haze of his stupor and tunes into Joonmyun mumbling something underneath his breath. Joonmyun stares up at him, eyes half-lidded with pleasure and bangs damp against his forehead, as his lips form syllables that Jongdae can't make out. Jongdae whimpers as his cock drives home directly into his sweet spot, and over the slap of his ass against Joonmyun's hips, Jongdae is trying to piece it together.

It's only right before he comes, before Joonmyun wraps a hand around his neglected length and makes furious, insistent tugs that send him tumbling over the edge, does Jongdae's brain finally register what Joonmyun is telling him in soft and broken whispers of breath.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Over and over again.

It's the last thing he hears before Joonmyun swipes over the head of his cock, before Jongdae's curling in on himself with a tight cry, spurting thick and white in between their stomachs. It doesn't take long for Joonmyun to come like that, driving upwards into his ass with a relentless urgency that has Jongdae seeing stars.

I love you.

It's only after Joonmyun falls asleep and Jongdae's wrapped around him under their bedsheets with his forehead pressed in between his shoulder blades does he say it back.

I love you, he whispers.

He's never meant it more in his life.

♦

Jongdae's alarm rings shrilly in the morning air and he grimaces, curling up against Joonmyun's sleeping form. It's the day of the wedding rehearsal, and he needs to be at the wedding venue in about an hour and a half, but Joonmyun is warm and soft in his arms and the thought of leaving their bed has him frowning groggily.

After five more minutes of shifting around, he eventually drags himself out of bed and into the shower. Joonmyun is still asleep when he comes out, standing there towel-drying his hair in the middle of their bedroom, and doesn't wake up even as Jongdae busies himself in the kitchen with coffee and breakfast.

When he's done eating, Jongdae comes into the bedroom with a glass of water and a note telling him that breakfast was in the kitchen, setting it on the bedside table. And right before he leaves, he can't help pressing a kiss into Joonmyun's forehead, smoothing his bangs back gently. Jongdae sighs, not wanting to leave, but the time urges him out of the house and into the next cab.

Upon arriving, he's relieved to see that he's not the only one who feels (or looks) like shit. Chanyeol has bags under his eyes, Soojung rubbing at his back soothingly, and Baekhyun frankly looks like he's one wrong step from running for the bathroom.

"How do you feel?" Kris greets him with a water bottle, which Jongdae takes gratefully.

"Crappy," he admits. "What happened after we left?"

Kris shrugs. "We ended up going to Ellui without Baekhyun, though turns out he'd gone home with someone earlier." Baekhyun's only response is a low grunt, and Kris rolls his eyes. "Chanyeol starting puking about an hour in, and then Jongin did right after him, so we decided to call it a night."

Jongdae nods slowly, swishing the water around in his mouth.

"What about you?" Chanyeol asks him, the first words out of him since Jongdae had arrived. "You and Joonmyun bounced early."

"Too much to drink," Jongdae lies easily, feeling Kris' eyes on him. "Joonmyun was tired, so I took him home."

Kris continues to give him a look, so Jongdae turns away pointedly, flushing.

At that point, they were waiting on Soojung's sister to arrive. It's only after Sooyeon comes through the door, apologizing profusely, do they finally begin the run through.

And the entire time the rehearsal is running, Jongdae thinks of Joonmyun. He thinks of Joonmyun lying there in their bed looking calm and peaceful, of the hurt in his eyes that he'd tried to conceal from him more than once. Jongdae thinks of kissing him soft and slow in their kitchen, of the way Joonmyun's hands would brush his hair back in the mornings when he had to leave early for his sections.

The rehearsal finishes without any major hiccups at around two in the afternoon, and finally Jongdae gets to go home and hopefully rest.

Joonmyun is eating lunch when Jongdae unlocks their door, and for a moment they stare at each other, Joonmyun in a t-shirt and sweatpants, and Jongdae looking haggard, before Joonmyun clears his throat.

"Hi," he says softly. "Thanks for the breakfast."

Jongdae swallows thickly. "No problem. Sorry I had to leave early—I was trying not to wake you up."

"It's fine," Joonmyun says, watching Jongdae pour himself a glass of orange juice. "Jongdae."

Jongdae is in the middle of searching through their cabinets for some painkillers. "Yeah?"

"We should talk."

Jongdae freezes, turning around slowly to meet Joonmyun's gaze again. His face is aggravatingly neutral, and he feels something clank dully into place inside of him.

"Talk." Jongdae's words seem stuck in his throat. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

Joonmyun doesn't say anything until Jongdae is sitting down across from him, and after a few seconds he sighs.

"I'm not mad at you."

"Joonmyun—" Jongdae starts, but he holds up a hand.

"Let me finish," Joonmyun says, and he sounds so, so tired. "This past month was messy, but I think we can move past it. I don't blame you for anything."

"But you should," Jongdae says quickly, the shame burning once again in his face. "I wasn't thinking when I said any of that shit, Joonmyun, it was wrong—"

"It was wrong for me to assume that you were ready for something that I should have known you weren't," Joonmyun replies simply. He reaches across the table to grasp Jongdae's hands in his, and looks at him with such frankness that Jongdae has to bite his lip to refrain from making a comment. "I don't ever want to force you into doing something you're not ready for."

It's too easy, Jongdae thinks. No way is this happening. No way is Joonmyun forgiving him just like that. It's way too fucking easy.

"You have a history," Joonmyun continues. "I'd gotten so caught up with hoping that maybe, just maybe, you wanted it too, I'd forgotten that you have legitimate reasons to be scared. It was selfish of me."

Jongdae's heart hammers in his chest. "Joonmyun, don't be like this. It's not your fault, I should have known—"

Joonmyun shakes his head, and there's a sadness there, a deep and irrevocable sadness that Jongdae doesn't know how to fix, and it frightens him.

"I'm sorry," Joonmyun says finally. "I won't bring it up again, I promise. I just want to go back to how we were before. I'm so sorry."

It's wrong. It's so so wrong. Joonmyun is sitting there apologizing for something that wasn't even his fault, and Jongdae's apology is stuck in his throat, blocked by the way that Joonmyun is looking at him, honest and desperate and beautiful, and it just wasn't fair.

"I miss you," Joonmyun whispers, and his fingers stroke the back of Jongdae's hands. "I miss us. Please, please forgive me."

Jongdae's guilt is burning in the back of his mouth. He's not sure what makes him say, "I forgive you," or what makes him lean across the table to kiss Joonmyun's fingers and say, "It's okay," but the smile that lights up Joonmyun's face is dazzling—the first real smile Jongdae had seen in forever—and somehow it chases the remaining doubts out of his head as Joonmyun tugs him to his feet and into his arms. Jongdae takes a deep, shuddering breath, breathing in the smell of Joonmyun's hair as he hugs him fiercely, and his heartbeat speeds up as he pushes any last thoughts of it out of his brain.

Perhaps it was too easy, but they're okay now, Jongdae thinks as Joonmyun's eyes curve up into half-crescents. Maybe it wasn't right, but at least now they could put it past them and see through Chanyeol and Soojung's wedding tomorrow without any bad feelings hanging overhead.

Maybe, he thinks later, sprawled out on the couch watching television with Joonmyun's head in his lap. Jongdae's fingers stroke softly at his hair until Joonmyun catches at his wrist and kisses his palm, and a wild, exhilarating bubble swells in his chest.

Maybe.

♦

Saturday morning, 8:00 AM. D-Day. Wedding day.

Jongdae rushes around the bedroom frantically, rifling through their drawers as he tries to find the last of his checklists. The wedding was in about two hours, but he had to be there early to get ready with the rest of the wedding party for pictures and last minute revisions.

"I put it here somewhere," Jongdae gasps, shuffling through a pile of papers on the desk and trying to pull on his sock at the same time.

"Hey, relax," Joonmyun says gently, pressing the list he needs into his hands. "Calm down. It'll be fine."

Jongdae bites his lip, making one last hop and pulling his sock on all the way. "What would I do without you," he breathes, kissing Joonmyun square on the mouth.

Joonmyun smiles at him. "Go," he tells him. "You'll be late."

Jongdae gathers up the rest of his things—seating arrangements, guest lists, important phone numbers, his bowtie—and shoves them into a bag before putting on his dress shoes. He looks up at where Joonmyun's suit is hung up on the bathroom door, pressed and clean and waiting to be donned, and then back at Joonmyun, still in his pajamas.

"See you there?" Jongdae asks hopefully.

Joonmyun laughs before kissing him one last time, nudging him out the door. "Of course. I'll see you there."

When Jongdae arrives, Soojung is in a hysterics.

"Sooyeon-unnie isn't here," she says shrilly, practically flying at Jongdae the moment she sets eyes on him. "My maid of honor isn't here, Jongdae, what do I do—"

"Woah," Jongdae says, patting her back, adopting the same tone of voice that Joonmyun had used on him earlier. "Take a deep breath. When was the last time you'd spoken to her?"

"About an hour ago," Soojung breathes heavily through her nose. "Jongdae, god, I'm so nervous—it's probably just traffic, but—god."

Jongdae squeezes her hands. "It's okay, we're all on edge right now. I'll give Sooyeon-noona a call. It'll be okay, alright?"

Soojung takes another steadying breath before attempting a smile. "Alright."

Jongdae gives her a gentle push towards the back of the church before catching sight of Yura. He grins broadly as he goes over to hug her.

"You look so pretty," he says. "My favorite noona all dressed up."

Yura laughs through her nose. "Don't get sappy on me, Jongdae. Is the bride going to be alright?"

"Maybe you should stay with her until Sooyeon-noona gets here," Jongdae says wisely. "Have you seen Chanyeol?"

Yura points towards one of the side doors of the church. "Out there with the boys. He'll be expecting you."

Thankfully, Chanyeol's nervousness is nowhere near as bad as Soojung's mini-breakdown. Chanyeol looks fantastic in a creamy white tux, his dark, reddish hair slicked back and a purple orchid in his button hole.

"I can't believe it, Jongdae, I'm getting married."

Jongdae punches his shoulder playfully. "You better believe it, I spent almost a whole year trying to plan this wedding."

Chanyeol's eyes take on a serious look. "Jongdae, I don't know how I'll ever thank you, you've been so much help these past ten months."

"Don't worry about it," Jongdae says, laughing. "Just write me into your will or something, I don't know."

Chanyeol beams at him before Jongdae leaves to hunt down Baekhyun.

Soon, the guests begin to file in, filling the church with a gentle cadence of noise and scuffle. Sooyeon arrives just in time to quell another of Soojung's panic attacks, and before anyone knows it, it's almost time to start.

Jongdae bids goodbye to Chanyeol as he leaves to take his place in the foyer of the church, taking a deep breath. He pokes his head out to try and scan the pews for Joonmyun, but it's hard to tell from the back.

Sooyeon tugs at his arm. "It's time."

The procession goes exactly according to plan, the groomsmen escorting the rest of Soojung's bridesmaids down the aisle. Jongdae and Sooyeon are the second to last to walk down the aisle as the best man and maid of honor, and Sooyeon primly takes his arm right before they walk out.

It's during the procession that Jongdae realizes that something is very, very wrong. His eyes flick back and forth over the pews, searching frantically, before he realizes that Joonmyun isn't there. His heart leaps into his throat as they separate at the altar, but then Soojung begins to walk down the aisle and Jongdae pushes it out of his head.

Soojung saunters in delicately on her father's arm, all smiles and glowing, and Jongdae is blown away by how gorgeous she is. The look on Chanyeol's face is utterly priceless, one that Jongdae will never forget, and even Jongdae has to wrench his eyes away from her to continue searching the crowd.

Throughout the ceremony, Jongdae forces himself to not turn around to keep looking entirely for couple's sake, but it's extremely difficult when the weight of his fast-returning guilt is pressing in on him from all sides, smothering him in his tuxedo.

He vaguely tunes into the exchange of vows and Chanyeol flipping up Soojung's veil to seal the deal with a kiss, barely registers when the entire church stands up to applaud the newly-weds. The only thing that mattered was that Jongdae wanted one person there with him at his best friend's wedding, and that one person was no where to be found.

"I'M FUCKING MARRIED!" Chanyeol bellows the moment they step outside, much to the chagrin of parents and Soojung hushes him urgently.

"Jongdae!" Chanyeol bounds up to him, about to envelop him in a bone-crushing hug, when he stops short at the expression on his face. "Jongdae, What's wrong?"

"Joonmyun," Jongdae says quietly, typing furiously on his phone. where are u?????? he texts, hoping to god that Joonmyun would answer. "He's not here."

Chanyeol sucks in a breath. "At all? Maybe he came in late and you didn't see?"

Jongdae shakes his head, his heart thudding in his ears. "I was checking all the doors."

"I—christ, Jongdae. We're about to leave for the reception, but you're free to go if you want to find him."

Chanyeol looks so genuinely distressed that Jongdae feels another rush of guilt for making him like this on his wedding day, and he hated feeling like this, like he was a burden.

"It's okay," Jongdae says quickly, pocketing his phone. "I'll come with you guys."

"You sure?" Chanyeol asks, sounding more and more worried. "It's totally fine if you don't."

Jongdae nods decisively. "I need to go anyway, I have the seating arrangements."

He follows them into the wedding limousine, taking a seat next to Yura, who seemed to have noticed what was happening.

"Breathe," she tells him, stroking his arm. "It'll be okay."

Jongdae leans back in his seat, breathing deeply, and honestly wishes that he could believe her.

The reception passes in a blur, the seat next to his at the table empty where Joonmyun should have been. Jongdae feels hollow, feeling like he's going through the motions of acting happy and excited. He has to force himself to smile for the pictures when the camera appears in his face, but goes back to letting the numb, aching throb spread throughout his body. The entire time he's sending increasingly desperate text messages on his phone, getting more and more sick to his stomach when every single one of them go unanswered.

"You can stop texting him," says a voice. Jongdae looks up to see Kris hovering by his table, tucking his phone back into his jacket. "He's not coming."

Jongdae gapes after him, the numbness taking hold of him completely as Kris goes back to his own table.

"Wait—" he calls after him. "Did Joonmyun tell—"

"Ladies and gentlemen," Baekhyun's voice cuts through on the microphone, and the entire room falls silent. "I hope you've all been enjoying the dinner so far, but trust me, what we've got coming is a lot juicier than the steak you're eating."

Jongdae furiously tries to make eye contact with Kris again, who only shakes his head at him, and he feels his heart drop into his stomach.

"At this time, I would like to announce that the best man has a few choice words to say to the bridge and groom."

And this time Jongdae's blood freezes again, but for an entirely different reason. The speech. He'd completely forgotten about it, was supposed to ask Joonmyun for help writing it, but had never gotten the chance.

But now, as Jongdae gets shakily to his feet and the entire reception room is looking at him, he had no choice. He'd just have to wing it.

Jongdae clears his throat uneasily, glancing over to the table of honor, where Chanyeol and Soojung were sitting there and staring at him expectantly. He takes a deep breath, then starts.

"Chanyeol and I have been best friends for a long time," Jongdae begins nervously. "We went to the same schools and everything, even liked the same girls. Or tried to," he adds sheepishly, and he hears Sehun snigger.

"It was in college that we kind of separated, but I don't really blame him. Chanyeol's wanted to do law for as long as I remember, so it didn't really surprise me when he headed right into law school after university. I really admired him for it, and it's not like we hadn't stayed in touch.

"There was this one time where Chanyeol was studying for a really big exam, and so being the genius he was, he forced himself to stay up for 3 days straight. So, naturally, he ended up passing out right after his exam due to overexertion."

A few people laugh, and Jongdae smiles anxiously. "I'll never forget what Chanyeol told me. 'Jongdae, I woke up and there was the most beautiful girl standing over me,' he'd said. It turns out that girl was Soojung-ssi, and she had been his attending nurse. It had been the first time I'd ever heard of her, but it would not have been the last, not by far.

For the past year, I've been in a really weird position being both the planner of their wedding and Chanyeol's best man. I admit that I don't normally get too personally involved in the weddings I plan, but—" Jongdae looks over to give Chanyeol a smile. "Chanyeol's my best friend. How could I not? Especially when he and Soojung are so happy and perfect for each other?"

It's then that Jongdae turns to face Chanyeol and Soojung directly, and takes another breath. "Chanyeol, Soojung-ssi, I'm honored that you picked me to plan this wedding for you. It's been a stressful ten months, but I don't regret any bit of it in the slightest. This has been one of the most rewarding weddings I've ever had the privilege to plan, and I just wanted to tell both of you that I hope that this small happiness that I could help create for you continues throughout the rest of your lives together."

"I hope you both fall more and more in love with each other with each passing day," Jongdae says firmly, and before he can help it, Joonmyun appears suddenly in his head, his smile, his kisses, and Jongdae nearly chokes up. "I—I hope you have many more happy and rewarding memories with other—" The way Joonmyun sings in the shower, the tuft of hair that sticks up in the morning, the endearing way that Joonmyun leaves his clothes around their whole apartment for Jongdae to pick up. "I hope—"

Their first date. The first bed they've bought together. The first time they made love. The first time Joonmyun had told Jongdae that he loved him.

Jongdae breaks off in the middle of his sentence, vision going blurry. The room is eerily silent as Jongdae dab at his eyes with his sleeve. He couldn't ignore it any longer, the painful absence of Joonmyun at his side, in his heart.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I'm really, really sorry, but I need to leave."

No one says anything, and Jongdae looks up to make eye contact with Chanyeol, who gives him an encouraging nod. Soojung is wiping at her eyes and makes a hwaiting! motion with her fist, and that's all Jongdae needs to turn on his heel and make a line for the exit.

Before he reaches the door, a hand pulls him back, and Jongdae wheels around to see Kris.

"You'll need these," Kris tells him gently, pressing his car keys into his hand.

Jongdae finds himself unable to answer, and instead nods his thanks wordlessly, swallowing thick over the lump in his throat.

Kris clasps him on the shoulder. "Good luck."

The drive back to their apartment has never felt so long in his life, every red light seeming like an eternity, and then finally, finally, Jongdae is home.

"Joonmyun—" Jongdae breathes, bursting through the door.

Only silence answers him, and Jongdae starts to panic again once he realizes that Joonmyun wasn't at home. His eyes dart around, searching desperately for a sign, anything that might indicate where he might have gone, and his gaze lands on the window.

The park across from their complex, he thinks with a sudden realization, before dashing back out into the hallway.

His mind races on the elevator ride back down—what would he say? What if Joonmyun wasn't even there, then what?

Jongdae doesn't have to wonder much longer once he steps out of the building, and he looks out across the street. His breath catches in his throat.

Joonmyun is sitting on one of the park benches with his head in his hands, and—Jongdae's heart seizes up in his chest—he was wearing the suit he was supposed to wear to the wedding.

Joonmyun doesn't look up as Jongdae wordlessly walks over to him, doesn't even look up when Jongdae is standing right in front of him, about to burst, and it tugs at each and every one of his heartstrings.

"Joonmyun," he says softly, kneeling down on the grass in front of him.

Joonmyun looks up with a start, and Jongdae's heart breaks even further when he sees that his eyes are red from crying. "Jongdae—what—"

"I'm sorry," Jongdae tells him brokenly. "I'm sorry that I was selfish and never thought to think that I could be hurting you so intensely all these years. I wasn't thinking of you, only of myself, and I don't ever want to do that again."

Joonmyun's mouth presses into line, lips white and trembling, eyes confused and scared. "You don't have to do this, Jongdae. You don't have to do this if you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. I don't want you to regret anything you do for me."

Jongdae lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, before reaching to take Joonmyun's hands in his. "No, Joonmyun, no. I love you. I want to, I want you to be happy. I want to be happy with you."

He can see the confusion in Joonmyun's eyes, how he doesn't understand—and it's the same look he's seen over and over, when Joonmyun thinks he doesn't deserve it, when he thinks he'll never be good enough—and Jongdae makes his decision right then and there.

"Please," he says, holding tight to his hands and squeezing. "Please let me love you for the rest of my life. Please be my husband. Please, please, please marry me, Joonmyun."

Joonmyun stares at him blankly and Jongdae has never felt more inadequate in his life. He isn't prepared for this, he doesn't have a ring or anything, but he's never been more sure of anything. He wants this, needs this. It's always been Joonmyun for him, always.

Finally, Joonmyun tugs his hands free of Jongdae's, and before Jongdae can say anything else, Joonmyun is reaching into his pocket.

And pulls out a ring.

"I've had this ring for over a year now," Joonmyun whispers, and Jongdae wraps his fingers around his again. "I never thought I'd get a chance to use it….. but yes."

Joonmyun takes Jongdae's left hand in his, and slides the ring onto his finger. "Yes to everything."

Jongdae's heart is about to burst through his chest, and he takes Joonmyun's face in his hands as he kisses him over and over again. They stand up, Jongdae's arms going around his waist, before he realizes that Joonmyun is crying.

"Don't cry, Joonmyun," he whispers, wiping his thumbs under his eyes. "I love you."

Joonmyun lets out a shaky, breathy laugh, swiping furiously at his cheeks, and then there's a car honk behind them.

They turn to see the wedding limousine parked at the curb, and the window rolls down to reveal Chanyeol and Soojung waving and cheering.

Happiness spreads throughout Jongdae's body as he tugs Joonmyun close and waves back, grinning, the ring on his finger glinting in the sun.

"Joonmyun-oppa!" Soojung calls, and throws something through the window of the car, and Joonmyun looks up in time to catch it. It's Soojung's flower bouquet, and it takes them both a couple of seconds to see that Chanyeol had wrapped her garter around the handle.

"Park Chanyeol!!" Jongdae laughs, but Chanyeol is already rolling up the window, grinning.

They watch the limo pull away, and Jongdae turns back to Joonmyun, beaming from ear to ear.

"I guess we're getting married," he tells him, and Joonmyun reaches up to kiss him again.

"What happened to no more talk of weddings for six months?"

Jongdae laughs, and then pulls Joonmyun close enough to feel their hearts beating together, one pulse that thrums throughout his whole body.

"Guess that'll have to wait until afterwards."

♦

Epilogue: Six months later

"I still can't believe you actually said yes, you asshole," Baekhyun mutters, thumbs typing a text message. "Lost me so much money."

"I can't believe you made a bet for two hundred thousand won over this," Jongdae fires back easily, snuggling into Joonmyun's side before stealing some of his fries.

Joonmyun laughs, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Looks like you need to make better friends, Jongdae."

"Yeah, like me," Chanyeol says, also stealing some of Joonmyun's fries. "I was rooting for you, Jongdae."

"We all were," Soojung says happily, leaning back with a sigh, hands on her swollen belly. She was about to hit three months soon, Chanyeol had announced proudly when they'd all sat down earlier at the diner. "Speaking of which," she adds, smiling cheekily. "How's the planning coming along?"

"Absolute nightmare," Joonmyun says with feeling, but he presses a kiss to Jongdae's cheek anyway. "He's obsessed."

Jongdae grins sheepishly. "Joonmyun won't let me make more than two phone calls a day. I told him it was part of the package."

"Well, at least you won't have to pay him," Chanyeol jokes. "Jongdae's prices are insane."

Jongdae waggles his eyebrows at him. "How do you know I won't charge?"

"Ew," Baekhyun says, still staring down at his phone. "I do not need to imagine that."

"Who have you been texting?" Chanyeol demands, making a swipe for his phone.

Baekhyun holds it out of his reach, but Soojung plucks it out of his hand, peering at the screen.

"Ooooh," she gushes conspiratorially. "Who's Kyungsoo?"

As Baekhyun turned a bright red, Jongdae leaned into Joonmyun's side, dragging his hand along his thigh, watching their friend splutter.

"I had a dream last night," Jongdae whispers, low enough for only Joonmyun to hear.

"Yeah?" Joonmyun presses in closer. "What did you dream about?"

"You," Jongdae says simply. "Me." He turns his head to kiss Joonmyun on the mouth, and when he pulls back, Joonmyun is smiling bright and brilliant.

"Our happily ever after."